Here I am, laying in recovery after major surgery, beaming because God finally gave us our miracle...and boy was she beautiful! I was so in love with Matt who went from Matt to daddy in seconds. He couldn't stand to be away from his little girl, even just a minute, so he went back to see her. They told him it would be 2 hours and then they would bring her to us. I was going to patiently wait those two hours. At that time I would be down in my room and we could start our family bonding time. Every stomach press meant pain, but it also meant 15 minutes closer to being able to hold my sweet baby finally! After a few stomach presses Matt came in. He wasn't as chipper as he was and looked like he wanted to cry. He finally told me that when he got to the nursery they were just taking her to NICU. Those aren't words a mother wants to hear. We specifically chose Centennial because of the NICU. Did I know or think we would use it? Not a chance, but I like to be prepared for worse case scenarios. At that point I was so glad I thought about what ifs. I knew she would be taken care of. Thankfully Matt, yet again, got to go with her up to the NICU. That was a blessing. We were told she was possibly having seizures and they wanted to keep an eye on her and see.
Get some rest. That was what everyone told me once I was in my room. Yeah, you try to close your eyes and sleep while your baby isn't in the room with you. We planned on utilizing the nursery but that also meant Amelia could come back to us whenever we wanted. I still hadn't seen or held my baby and who knew when I would. I was still coming down from all the meds and drugs from the c-section and being given more because I had a fever and pain pills. Most women would be passed out...not me. I felt horrible for Matt who wanted to stay up in NICU with his baby, but didn't want to leave me alone. I could tell how scared he was because he started to stress eat. He would be completely silent, zoned out, and then in an angry tone blurt something out before going back to his mental zone. The hours passed and eventually I couldn't fight the drugs and I passed out. I could only sleep for a bit at a time and would check on Matt every time I stirred. One time I awoke he was in the rocking chair...a chair he should be in rocking his precious baby to sleep...and was eating, zoned out. He blurted out "she's not even 5 hours old and is already giving me a major scare". I wanted so bad to get up and hug him, tell him to talk to me and hold my hand and we would get through it together, but I couldn't. I couldn't get out of bed and even if I could he was back in his zone. Finally one time I awoke and he was sleeping in the rocking chair. That made me feel a little better. I knew I would need him more than I ever had and he wouldn't be useful if he didn't sleep. Little did I know just how much I was going to need him the next day(s).
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