Today was a big day for Amelia! In the morning she had the drain tube to her brain removed and her turban taken off. She looked so cute with her hair showing. I knew she would be having an EEG later and they would be wrapping her head back up so I took full advantage of rubbing on her head! Amelia was happy as can be because she got a feeding tube. We told her Sunday that if she was a good girl she would get one and she did well getting her art line.
They started weening her on her co2 and she was doing great. We were making great strides to get on a road to recovery. She had a pic line inserted and her IV taken out. She was starting to look so much better. Some of the wires and tubes were removed and that was a good sign.
Miss Kerry came and hooked her up to an EEG. Tons of wires sticking out her poor little head and chest. But she was super sweet and even made my little diva a bow! After everything was hooked up they did a 20 minute study. In those 20 minutes she had 4 seizures. They were subchronic seizures so there were no signs. They gave her a dose of Ativan to stop the seizures. Amelia went from opening her eyes, moving her hands and grasping things to unresponsive. The neurologist didn't know if all the movements prior to the Ativan were because of seizures or if Amelia was just having a reaction to the medication. She said she's pretty sure the meds just knocked her out but to be sure she wanted to do a CT scan. She just wanted to make sure there was no new bleeding or that she didn't have more swelling. All those leads needed to taken off.
I was a wreck. I anticipated set backs, was pretty much told with all the brain damage she would be having seizures, but it didn't make it easier. Now I was petrified of swelling or a new bleed. I was doing so well at remaining strong but I couldn't take it. I was so scared that all the movements we looked at as positives could have been negatives. That was just too much for me to take. I lost it. I felt really bad because I pushed Matt away when he tried to comfort me. I just needed a moment to pull myself together. After I regained my composure I apologized to Matt for pulling away. I know he is there to help and hold me and that I can't pull away from him. We prayed with Amelia and I started to feel a little better.
The CT scan showed the same thing it did post op. That was good because there was no new bleeding and the swelling didn't increase. We thanked God for that. Now all the leads had to be put back on her. It killed me to watch it because every time they had to touch her head she wanted to scream. My poor sweet baby. They were going to monitor her through the night and see how she did.
Even though today was a good day for Amelia, it was a super rough day for me. Between the setback that she had and the emotions running through me I felt miserable. All I could think about is that we should be home and Amelia should be using her crib and Matt and I should be fighting over who gets to hold her. We shouldn't be in a hospital watching out baby fight for her life. Matt wrapped his arms around me and prayed. How did I ever get so lucky to have such a great man in my life?
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