How do you prepare?

How do you prepare for surgery? How do you put aside those fears that this may be the last time you tuck your baby in? I'm so thankful that today is Sunday and that I was encouraged and blessed at church today. Knowing that when the trumpets sound I will be with a child that has a perfect body. No more scars and pain. Thats comfort right there. 

It's hard packing a bag knowing that you and your baby will be miserable until you get home. Just when she falls asleep someone comes in to check her or give her meds, waking her up. It's rough, but I know this is what has to be done and it will make her feel better in the long run. 

I managed to do some cleaning (I like to clean and organize when I'm sad or mad). I want to do more but know I need to try to get some rest. Matt is cuddling with a happy little girl. She's up WAY past her bedtime and knows this. The more she does cute things the more daddy eats it up and let's her stay up. I'm not arguing. How can you sleep train a child who is in the hospital every month? Maybe after her 1st birthday we can work on it. Maybe not. At this point, I honestly don't care about that. If I get a few more minutes with my girl then so be it. I can function on little sleep. 

I don't know if it is because this is now life for me or if I just haven't given myself enough down time, but the reality of this surgery hasn't hit yet. It will be like last time, when they took her away is when it hits hard. You are entrusting the life of your child in someone else's hands. Her neurosurgeon has proven himself 3 other times already, so I trust him, but it's not easy. Thankfully this will be a short surgery so by the time anxiety and worry start to hit she should be finished. 

If y'all have had the pleasure of talking to me lately you may notice more attempts at humor. That's my way of coping. I tend to laugh at the most inappropriate times. When I am stressed or nervous I find comfort in humor. One of my favorite movies is What About Bob? I think that movie is so funny and Matt knows something's up when I'm watching it. Things like that get me through times like this. 

If you are reading this could you please say a prayer tonight/this morning. Pray for healing for sweet Amelia. Pray for guidance for Dr Naftel and his team. Pray for comfort for Matt and I. 

Much love,
💜💜💜