Always something :(

I don't know why I expect anything to be uneventful and to go our way. I always end in disappointment and hurt. 

Last week monday I called the neurosurgeons office because Amelia's eyes weren't sitting right with me. He right eye was crossing more, her head was getting larger. I called and of course because she doesn't throw up I was ignored. Finally got a call Wednesday to come in tomorrow for a mri and see her NS. Well in my world that meant Thursday. 3 times in the voicemail she says tomorrow. Well after she called me a liar when I showed up Thursday, I find out her tomorrow was next Tuesday. 

So this morning after the daunting task of washing her head I notice a huge "goober" (what her NS called it lol). Of course it looks infected and all I'm thinking is admission to the hospital, surgery to remove shunt and external drain. We went to therapy as normal and then to the mri (which she moved too much to get a good read). Then up to the NS office. 

He wanted to removed the goober. If he saw shunt immediate surgery was needed. If he didn't see shunt then we would do wound care at home. Thank the good Lord that shunt was not seen. The cause could only be speculated as pressure from the helmet. 

The mri showed the left side as great. The right side, not so much. It's not bad enough to have surgery now but he wants to move the shunt from the top left to the bottom right. The shunt needs to be on the right because that's the side that needs the help removed excess CSF. The reason it wasn't place there before is because of the no bone issue, which we have again. So I don't know if this means a temporary plate will be put in since she will be having a new shunt or what. 

I don't know if it's nerves or what but I'm a wreck. I don't like feeling this way. I hate the roller coasters of emotion. I'm so thankful that she is home with me now. I hate that for a few weeks she won't be in a helmet and have anything protecting her head. I hate more than anything that she has to go through all this. She had a rough day today but for the most part she had her cute smile. That and she was all about leaning in and giving me kisses, telling me it's all good.